Hey Internet Folks,
I’ve been continuing life and as one knows, therein contains countless things that will devour your free time.
I haven’t been doing pixel art as of late. A combination of the typical dredges in life like finances, self-doubt and other devourers of time have made sure of that.
One such devourer has been writing and learning how to better put my thoughts into text form. It’s something I’ve done on and off for most of my life, but never really enough in a way that I expected others to possibly read. Journaling or a Diary would be the best way for me to describe that.
I have depended on AI pretty substantially for giving me ideas to work with and in some cases for making rough drafts of work I have written. In doing so, the finished product has left me..empty in a way. I have truly felt nothing about the finished product other than the momentary happiness one could experience after finishing a project.
It has made me realize that even though AI has helped me essentially complete something I’ve had dreams about doing.. it almost felt similar to using cheat codes in a game to get what you want.
Oh wow! This thing that I used a button or word combination for is great!
Then the fun runs out and you realize that the process of earning whatever that combination freely provided to you, without the time and effort put forth, feels hollow and undeserved.
As such I have been in a dark place of inner turmoil. Feeling like a fraud. Like I’m cheating myself more than any book or game. I have so much doubt that I have all but stopped doing any activities I have been doing thus far. I created all of the pixel art I posted myself, and as such, felt joy with each completed piece I worked on. Why wouldn’t I do the same for writing?
I don’t intend to write a book about my problems or expect you to read this increasingly growing batch of paragraphs, but I did want to make it known that I intend to continue writing. Pixel art was rather fun. However, in doing it non-stop for over a month I really burned myself out. It made me think of it more as a job than as a hobby and it has soured in my mind. If you would like to see a specific pixel art, I’d be glad to make one for you. I don’t, however, see myself continuing with the same energy I had before to just post art.
I intend to keep up with writing. This has been freeing in a way that I don’t regularly allow myself to express. I may continue with posts about my general thoughts and any other ideas that nobody asked for, but as long as it makes me feel good.. I’m going to keep doing it.
The feeling of writing your thoughts and emotions onto a medium knowing others will see it is something, I imagine, I’ll never stop feeling weird about. Even when it has been more than widely accepted for quite some time now. Some strange mix of vulnerability and freedom that I struggle to understand.
I hope your days are filled with true joy.
As such I have been in a dark place of inner turmoil. Feeling like a fraud. Like I’m cheating myself more than any book or game. I have so much doubt that I have all but stopped doing any activities I have been doing thus far. I created all of the pixel art I posted myself, and as such, felt joy with each completed piece I worked on. Why wouldn’t I do the same for writing?
I don’t intend to write a book about my problems or expect you to read this increasingly growing batch of paragraphs, but I did want to make it known that I intend to continue writing. Pixel art was rather fun. However, in doing it non-stop for over a month I really burned myself out. It made me think of it more as a job than as a hobby and it has soured in my mind. If you would like to see a specific pixel art, I’d be glad to make one for you. I don’t, however, see myself continuing with the same energy I had before to just post art.
I intend to keep up with writing. This has been freeing in a way that I don’t regularly allow myself to express. I may continue with posts about my general thoughts and any other ideas that nobody asked for, but as long as it makes me feel good.. I’m going to keep doing it.
The feeling of writing your thoughts and emotions onto a medium knowing others will see it is something, I imagine, I’ll never stop feeling weird about. Even when it has been more than widely accepted for quite some time now. Some strange mix of vulnerability and freedom that I struggle to understand.
I hope your days are filled with true joy.
-Jerry
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